Why We All Need a "Me First" Attitude

So, I’m going to start this off by saying, I’ve been wrestling with this piece for a while, and I’ve noticed that if I let something sit in the “drafts” section too long, it will never make it out. So, I’m just going to put this out there, even if it’s messy and doesn’t flow as well as I’d like it to. I’m committing to you, dear readers, and to myself to post more consistently, even if I think it could be better. Okay, enough excuses, here we go…

My clients are often a source of deep inspiration and encouragement for me. Sometimes it’s in the things that come out of my mouth to share with them (which I often need to hear as much as they do—or even more), but sometimes it’s in the things they say to me. Tonight was no different. In a matter of sentences, a client summed up a piece of my personal belief system that I’ve been fumbling around for years, and much more acutely the last several months. Shout out to my client, as you read this, you’ll know who you are.

Our conversations are usually quite meandering. I make a point to not try to direct client conversations, instead trusting that we’ll get where we need to go with them at the helm. This evening, we stumbled on the topic of accelerationism, the belief that we should do what we can to hasten the fall of capitalism and the subsequent collapse of our current society. While we both shared an understanding of this point of view (in the sense that we get why someone would believe these things), my client astutely likened it to much of the eco-fascism realm of beliefs, and highlighted that people who believe these things always assume they’ll survive. Like, “it’s fine if tons of people die because of something wildly preventable, there are too many people anyway. It’s fine if society collapses, then we can start from scratch.” The beliefs themselves stem from a deeply ingrained sense of privilege that says, “if society collapses, I’ll obviously be fine,” or “Humans are a blight on the planet, the population needs to be controlled (but not me).”

In regards to those who think the planet is “over-populated” (it’s not) and that “humanity is a virus” (it’s not), my client clapped back: “Well if that’s what you believe, how about you first?”

We both laughed at the absurdity of these points of view and my client’s quick-witted response. But the words hit much deeper for me that I realized. Like a bell ringing out through a city, clear as day, I realized these words clarified a foundational aspect of my own belief system that I’ve been struggling to put to words. “Me first.”

Photo by Blake Wheeler on Unsplash

As an 8 on the Enneagram, I am what some would call opinionated (while I prefer the term passionate). I never seem to be short on ideas about how to fix the world. Now, my opinions are usually very well informed, and I believe them in a deep way. Like, really, truly, if everyone would just listen to me we could find our way out of this mess we’re in! Over the last year or so, though, I’ve come to realize that my opinions about how to change the world rarely, if ever, involve changing me or anything about my life. How convenient.

This is the issue with the things most people believe (and I am including myself in “most people”). When we look at people with what I would consider “good” or “reasonable” or “thoughtful” belief systems (let’s say, like, Christians), the problem isn’t the belief, but that it’s not pointed in the right direction. It assumes, “everyone else should change, but I’m fine!” This approach leads to the phenomenon that caused Gandhi to say his famous quote, “I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”

What would our world look like, if we all took this kind of “Me First” approach to what we believed? Meaning, what if I applied to my beliefs first, and fully, to my own life? How would my life look different if I was less concerned about getting everyone to agree with me, and spent that energy getting my beliefs and actions to agree with each other? What if I worked to be in integrity with what I say a believe? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I didn’t ever have to tell anyone what I believed because it was just that clear by how I lived my life? Sitting with my client, I realized this is the missing key element for me. This is the piece of my belief system that’s been slowly developing over the last year or so that feels like the fundamental element to not only how I want my beliefs to change and direct me, but what I want to inspire others.

I’m reminded of the quote attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, “Preach the Gospel at all times, when necessary, use words.” The fundamental assumption here is that your actions will tell your actual beliefs long before, and much more accurately, than anything you say you believe. And we can’t do that until we apply what we believe to ourselves, first and foremost. (Also, side note: I googled that quote to see who said it because I never remember who says anything ever, but in the process I found that there are a TON of evangelical think-pieces about how this quote is not only not something that Francis of Assisi said, but also wildly inaccurate and misleading and if that isn’t the most telling thing about evangelical christianity I don’t know what is. I think I might write a whole piece just on that in the near future.)

Photo by Sandi Mager on Unsplash

I have a new project that I’ve been slowly crafting over the last several months that feels very close to my heart. I have high hopes for it to inspire people to live not only in better relationship with themselves and others, but also with the environment and Natural world. Through the process of putting this together, I’ve had to work hard to make sure that these things aren’t just what I think people should do, but are actually things I have done. Because that’s the only way this will work. And you want to know what’s been so freaking amazing about it? By applying the principles to myself first, I’ve been gaining a deeper and more nuanced understanding of them, and I’m experiencing first-hand a deeper transformation of my everyday life than I would have if I just taught from my head instead of from my actions. In short, I’m benefitting more than I ever could have expected from living out my own beliefs more intentionally.

Now, I’m not expecting things to be perfect, for myself, or anyone else, but there is something powerful and easily felt about the effort towards this kind of integrity. You can feel it when you’re with someone who is at very least making a genuine effort to “practice what they preach,” just like you can feel it when someone clearly isn’t putting in that effort.

So, this is my offering to you, and quite frankly to myself as well: to look deeply at what you say you believe, and then explore the ways that needs more fleshing out in your life. What do you love? What are you passionate about? How can your life both reflect and amplify those loves and passions more and more?

As I engage more and more with this platform, I’ve gotten more clear on what I want from it, and it’s this: conversation. I would love to hear about what you are examining about your life and beliefs and how you are adjusting both. I also want to share more with you. Please, share in the comments what this post or any of my posts are stirring in you. My deepest hope is that these pieces are always a starting point and never the last word. Thanks for reading along.